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There’s a saying that says that the quality of our lives depends mostly on how we communicate with others. Personally, I find it unquestionable that communication skills fall into the category of most important skills because without good communication there are no quality relationships, and without quality relationships everything else is empty and futile.

Because of this, from the very beginning of my coaching practice, I began to hold communication workshops on a regular basis. However, watching and analyzing my client’s daily experiences, I would often be accompanied by the feeling that something was missing. In this way, to be honest, I wasn’t overly pleased with the progress with most of them, although I regularly followed the latest trends in the world of NLP and coaching regarding communication skills.

That confronted me with many questions, until at one point I experienced a very interesting experience that literally opened my eyes and helped me to start looking at it quite differently.

While attending an important and rather stressful meeting, for a moment I seemed to be able, while talking to my interlocutor, parallelly look at myself from a completely objective perspective, from which I could clearly see how my unconscious emotional reaction to this stressful situation completely distorted a real picture of the situation I was in. Not that I wasn’t trying to use all the tools and skills I knew, but because of the distorted perception of the situation caused by my unconscious emotional reaction, everything I was trying to do I did to my detriment – and I could clearly observe that.

At that moment, I remembered the research I often refer to on my TT Mindfulness™ workshops, which showed that when we encounter a particular stimulus from an environment that usually creates stress, before an image of the situation we see is created in our brain, it creates an emotion that basically affects the image that will be created in our brain. In other words, our programmed emotional response controls what we will see with our own eyes. That is why it’s said that people make decisions based on emotions, and with logic just justify their choices and decisions. Or, as one of the world’s most famous experts in the field of communication and influence, Dale Carnegie, would often point out in his lectures:

“When dealing with people, keep in mind that you are not dealing with logical, but emotional beings.”

Thanks to the experience above and the numerous literature I have studied thereafter, it is much clearer to me today that AWARENESS OF OUR PROGRAMMED EMOTIONAL REACTION is a key ingredient in effective communication and quality relationships in particular stressful situations. Because for as long as we are not aware of the situations that are triggered in stressful situations and we don’t know how to create the necessary mental detachment from them, we just react and are not able to communicate, and the image created in our brain is completely distorted and unrealistic.

That is why it is important to know that without a sufficient level of emotional awareness and mental detachment from programmed emotional reactions, there is no tool or technique that will, except for minor “cosmetic repairs,” significantly help us improve our communication skills and create deeper, more lasting and better quality private and business relations.

The business world has begun to recognize this fact and there are more and more companies that are organizing trainings on Mindfulness and emotional intelligence. Ikea, Google, Yahoo, Nike are just some of them.

If you are really ambitious and want to become a good communicator, I would recommend that you start working on the most important ingredient in successful communication, which is exactly developing emotional awareness because it depends on whether you will communicate or just respond to your own unconscious emotions that are the result of your deep mental patterns you don’t even know when were created.


If you would like to learn tools that can help you get started on working directly on programmed emotional reactions so that you can communicate more successfully in your private and business life, learn more about TT MINDFULNESS™ program.